*Week 826: The Inside Word* Ou"thou"se: That little shed behind the Quaker meeting hall. /(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)/ S"laughter": Stop! You're killing me! /(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)/ Di"agnostic"ian: This doctor is just not sure what you've got. /(Steve Fahey, Kensington)/ Here's a contest we've done more than once, but not in eight years: */This week: Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks and redefine the word/*/,/ as in the examples above from 2001, all by renowned Style Invitational Losers. Important note: Notice how hard it would be to understand those three jokes if the quotation marks weren't there. That's what makes this contest different from another one we do regularly, the one to supply a new definition for any existing word. This time, the pun shouldn't just jump out at you. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a Superfly Monkey, a stuffed animal whose arms, when you fit the tips of your fingers in its little hands, form the rubber band of a slingshot. Pull back and it sails through your yard, office, classroom, church aisle, etc., emitting a highly annoying scream. Discourtesy of newbie Loser Lois Douthitt. You can see a commercial for the thing at http://buysuperflymonkey.com. */Other runners-up/* win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 27. Put "Week 826" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Beverley Sharp; next week's revised title is by Kevin Dopart. *Report From Week 822*, in which we asked for exhibits and events that might be part of a Festival of Real American Folklife, in tribute to the Smithsonian Folklife Festival, held earlier this month:/ *The Winner of the Inker* Today's Still Life, Tomorrow's Abstract: Tattoos and how they change over time. 1:30 p.m.: From Cute Little Cleavage Butterfly to Giant Drooping Winged Something. /(Wayne Rodgers, Satellite Beach, Fla.)/ 2. /the winner of the/ /Mustard Marvin gross-out squeeze bottle topper: / Old-Time Postal Methods: Dressed in 20th-century garb, reenactors affix stamps to envelopes with saliva. /(Tom Lacombe, Browntown, Va.)/ 3. Ski Mask Knitting, with Moms of Liquor Store Robbers. /(Vic Krysko, Suratthani, Thailand)/ 4. Dad Stories: A revue of stories told by fathers from across the country. Repeated every five minutes. All day. Every day. /(Elizabeth Molyé, Arlington)/ *Folk Lower: Honorable Mentions* The All-American Automobile Trip: Participants drive slowly up and down Independence Avenue, where road rage experts will demonstrate hand gestures, aggressive driving maneuvers and abusive language. /(Lois Douthitt, Arlington)/ Today in the Vanishing Arts tent: 11 a.m. Slide rule crafting; 12:15 p.m., buggy whip making; 1 p.m.: newspaper reading. /(Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)/ Rust Bucket Displayin': The art of showing off old cars. With workshops on cinder block selection and proper weed arrangements. /(Wayne Rodgers)/ American Summer Camp Craftwork: A giant Popsicle stick made of Popsicle sticks. /(Katie Maddocks, Royal Oak, Mich., a First Offender)/ Hall of 15 Minutes of Fame: At 2 p.m., a special appearance by the Octomom. /(Marcy Alvo, Annandale)/ Weaving Techniques: Native suburban drivers discuss how to negotiate high-speed lane changes. /(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)/ Kindergarten Cuisine: Edible crafts made of dried macaroni, marshmallows, jelly beans, M&M's and paste. /(Charles Koelbel, Houston)/ Lawn Mower Artists: On the central Mall, suburban males create such patterns as "The Baseball Outfield," "The Crop Circle" and the ever-controversial "Confederate Flag." /(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)/ 1 p.m. Turn City Wastelands Into a Garden. Preceded at 12:30 by the Create a Wasteland workshop (spray paint and glass bottles available for purchase). /(Vic Krysko)/ Fifty Years of the GSA, and Counting: The highly distinctive occupational culture of requisitions and procurement. To apply for tickets, submit Form SI-4329 in triplicate. /(Jim Deutsch, Washington, a First Offender who actually works for the Smithsonian Folklife Festival)/ Radio-Free America: Aluminum foil headwear in U.S. cities. /(Kevin Dopart, Washington)/ American Uptalking: It's like this totally random thing where everyone is like 20 years old? And all they do is go on a stage and just talk like normal? And all these old folks are standing and watching and looking so totally confused? /(Larry Yungk, from Geneva)/ Satellite venue at the Tidal Basin: Personal-watercraft slalom racing around the paddleboats, in three skill levels -- four, six and eight beers. /(Dave Prevar, Annapolis)/ Profiles in Furrage: The craft of black-velvet painting. /(Jeff Contompasis)/ Real American Authenticity: Brush clearin', pickup drivin', intellectualism eschewin' and stuff. /(Charlie Wood, Falls Church)/ American Mating Rituals: Volunteer festival attendees are randomly paired, regardless of age, sex, interests, etc. Sponsored by The Washington Post Magazine, which hopes to improve the success rate of Date Lab. /(Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)/ Fishermen of Three Mile Island: Come shake their hands, all three of them. /(Russell Beland, Fairfax)/ *Next Week: Wryku,**or **Bad News to Verse*